i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
