she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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