Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
