peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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