I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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