The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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