so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
