I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
