fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I want her autograph on my taint
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
