Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
