So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
