He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
