my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize