your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
