I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
