he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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