I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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