I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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