laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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