you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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