normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
