Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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