im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
