its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize