i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
