What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize