I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
