i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
