Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
