my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
