Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
