But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
