at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
