i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize