dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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