Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
