And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
