i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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