First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
