Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
