I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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