WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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