words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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