I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize