i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
