i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
