I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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