hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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