dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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