i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
