oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
