Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
