how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize