it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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