my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
In other news, I just burned my penis
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
