Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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