he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize