my vag is so smooth its legendary
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
