He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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