your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
4 words: hood of his car
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
