Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
