Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
