I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
