I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize