look no pants
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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