that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
