That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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