You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
