I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
