ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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