i barfeds in our rink
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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